:(

This weekend has been by far the most difficult weekend I have had in a long time. I feel alone and I feel very confused. I never thought I would allow anything like to ever happen to me. I knew it wasn't right but I didn't know what to call it but I do know it bothered me. Although he has told me to not worry about him leaving, I'm still scared he will. I am scared of a lot right now. I am a wreck and I am trying to take control of it all and not allow it to control me. I still rethink everything in my mind over and over and over again but in the end I realize I did what I was suppose to do to not allow these things to happen but I feel silly and I feel stupid. I feel I shouldn't have allowed myself to be placed in such a bad situation. I am asking myself the same question I was asked by everyone else... what was I thinking... I don't know what I was thinking. I just know I am tired and hurt and confused. I feel God will get me through this. My family doesn't know and I don't want to tell them at all. If I tell them this, I will have to tell them everything and I don't want them to know everything. Well, I'm about to go..