Roller Coasters

I feel like I am on a roller coaster going up and down all the time. My emotions haven't been this strong in a long time. I think I am having this fear of the unknown. I have fallen in love with someone and I know I want to be with him but it's not that easy for him. I feel he does want to be with me but he has so much going on right now and for the next few years too. I support him with everything in me and I am very, very proud of him. I just think lately I have added stress to his life more than help him. I am still dealing with something that happened to me but because I don't want to stress him, I have been keeping it all to myself. He doesn't need the drama. I just want him to get through school and earn his degree. Sometimes I think I don't really deserve him. I hear about his ex-girlfriends and women he has dated and I think what makes me better than them. I am a very confident woman but I know I am not perfect and I don't try to be perfect with him. I am just me but I am an emotional person and I know he doesn't really like it at all. I'm not a drama queen or anything like that or crying constantly, but I do have my days. I make sure to always encourage him and be there for him whenever he need me no matter if he is happy or venting about something. I think I really want to see him too and spend time with him. I count the days and it's still just March. I know I'm not impatient because I carried a child for 9months ad 5 days...lol He does make me very happy and he encourages me more than I tell him. I admire him too. I love how he tries to help everyone no matter what and how he shares, it seems, everything with me. We have been open and honest about our thoughts and our past relationships. We agreed that nothing in our past would affect our future. I respect him and I don't take him for granted. I have decided to take the backseat to a lot of things with him. I don't want to be a part of the problem but the solution. I pray for him all the time. I would love nothing more than to be with him but I don't know where we stand on that. I feel that doesn't matter now. I have to put those thoughts to the side for now. He has to focus on school and I have to support him and realize a relationship may not be in the cards for us right now. So, I plan to stay on this roller coaster. I'm not ready to get off but I know I need to contain my emotions. I will work out my issues I am having privately and alone. I will remain prayerful though. I think it's best that I do things this way. I will eventually get totally over what happened to me but I won't bring it up to him. I promised I would move on from it and that's what I will do it even when I feel down. I know I have been genuine and who I have been around him is who I am and will continue to be. I know there is always room for improvement and I will definitely do so. I guess this is it for tonight.