SO Emotional

My flaw is my emotional side. I have been hurt a lot in the past and I am really over it but I am afraid of being hurt again. I have allowed myself to develop very strong feelings for someone who doesn't share the same feelings. I feel like it has happened again. I don't know how these things happen or why they happen. My fear, although he has been so much different than any others I have dated, is that the end result will be the same. I know what the focus is and I know what course we are on but people change their minds every day. I know it can be said that I could change mine but when I am in something and committed to something, I give it my all and I don't give up. I'm persistent, i'm loyal and i'm honest. I stay the course. I am, as Olivia Newton-John sings, hopelessly devoted. If I say I love you or i'm in love with you, I am with all my heart and soul. It doesn't change and no one else can take that spot in my heart once someone holds it. It's my fault because the intention was to be a friend and be supportive without the pursuit or I guess I should say the expectation of wanting more. I don't know when it happened nor did I think it would happen. It's crazy and I know they say you can't control what the heart wants.

Counting My Blessings!

This week has been a good week inspite of a few things that most wouldn't consider so positive happening. I think it was a wake-up call for me and realization that I really should count my blessings. My talk with someone really enlightened me and made me feel more positive. I plan, in a few months, to give this person a thank you card for just their encouragement and although I don't deserve it, she never gave up on me. I greatly appreciate her for that. I didn't get that job but you know I am happy I didn't. I wasn't totally sold on the job. I just saw it as a way out of customer service. It didn't mean I would be any happier and it's a possibility I wouldn't have been happy. I'm grateful God knew better. I have a new outlook on things. I have to focus extra hard but I know the importance of doing so. I am focused on doing the right thing in my life from work to my personal life and relationships. I feel anything that will bring forth God's blessings, I am willing to do. So, God has given me another chance and there is a lot on the line and a lot of people stand to be disappointed if I screw up and I know at this point I will do only what is right. I have to do what is right. I know I say I am grateful for the things God has given me but I haven't proven it to Him but I will start from now on.

Admitting when I am wrong or not

So, I made the decision to maybe throw myself a party for my 28th birthday. It started off as just a dutch dinner party with friends and now it's buffet-style, free party that better include gifts...lol. I was trying to decide who I would invite. I want to invite everyone but I have to limit it to 15 people including myself. I also know that if I invite my friends, they may not totally mesh well with my aunt's personality. I brought that to his attention. I can't really say he helped me much with it. I was kind of left wondering what I should do. He quoted a scripture and told me it was an issue I needed to work out and ran off to take his bath. I felt like I was dismissed. I would say as usual but it hasn't happened that often. It has happened but I don't think he means to do it on purpose and neither do I really bring it up. Tonight or last night I feel irritated me to a point that I didn't even want to talk about it. He stated he felt he slighted me in some way and when I mentioned it, he said he thought he gave me the suggestions, advice and counsel I requested.... *sighs* .... I don't know what I expect. I guess I go all the way with someone. Yes, I do say to trust in God and allow Him to guide but I feel I offer so much more to a person and usually I allow things that I have to do to just wait for the moment until the person has at least calmed down or figured it out. Now, I realize that isn't always the case but I don't throw things (I can't assume that it's blank but it seems that way...Any advice that includes God isn't blank but I do feel the more can be provided) their way and just kind of walk away. I could be wrong and maybe I am. I don't know if I am or not. I know what I am wrong for not even continuing my talk with him about it. I think after he felt he had done what he needed even after he said he felt he sligted me irritated me. I thought I was tripping but I know how I felt at the moment it happened and he knew that it happened too. I am a big girl, yes, and usually most of my situations work out with no problem. I think last night I was just really torn about my guestlist and I really, really wanted his help. I told him to just forget it. He said okay. I said, whatever, okay and to have a good night. He said nothing. He didn't even say goodnight. I don't want to point fingers at this point because it's not about that. I think I should have done better in the situation but I guess I just wanted him to be there. It's my party, yes, but I guess I still want his input and his help. My guestlist is more important to me than the cost of the party. I am still at this very moment as mentioned earlier, torn about my list. I am also left wondering what I should do next about everything. I don't think this little rift will cause a huge problem with us at least I don't hope it will. I think we will work through this somehow. I guess I can take a page from his book and apologize first this time. I know I was wrong for dismissing the whole thing but I guess I assumed he knew what was going on but I guess he didn't. I guess he did everything he needed to do to help me and I should have been grateful for that piece. I'm going to write that email now.... happy blogging u guys...

Random Thoughts III

There is a Scary Movie IV?????? Okay!!! Timeout!!! Whose idea was this??? How many Rockies, Mission Impossibles and Scary Movies do we really need. IT got stupid after Brenda was killed.... DAMN!!! I love the ETrade commercial with the babies on the airplane. That is too funny and I absolutely love it but not as much as the doritos commercial with the little boy who slaps his momma's date. I want a puppy, well not really but I was just thinking that would be neat. I'm off the next 4 days and I am happy about that and I am looking forward to my vacation in May. The new schedules will be out at work and I am kind of excited and not so nervous about it. Probably because I didn't tell my family about it because everyone usually have an opinion and it's stressful trying to explain the process all over again... it sucks... but this time I kept them out of the process... I had my first interview today for field comm and I am awaiting my second interview. I feel everything went well for me today and I am positive I will be interviewing again. I plan to go the whole way with this. I'm watching Meet The Browns. Why? I don't know. I like it and people are shocked that I like it but you know it's a good show and I like just about everything Tyler Perry does. I had a nice drive home. Hannah and I was just singing a long in the car. It was pretty fun. We had a good morning which usually results in a great evening once we see each other again. Now she is laying on the couch with me all in my space but that's okay. I don't mind. I can't think of anything I want to talk about so I guess I will end it for now...

Happy Valentine's Day

I actually forget today was Valentine's Day until I was wished one. I guess it's just another day. I've received my gift a few days back so I guess my mind was thinking that was the day. I received a beautiful gift from someone very, very special for Valentine's Day. I also think he liked my gift I gave him. I went creative this year. I put my heart into the gift. He still hasn't received the last part of the gift but I really think he will Love it a lot.

I think we should pretend like vday is everything. We should love one another every single day and show we care not just on one day when everything is much more expensive than it is on the 15th.

WHO DAT???

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS WIN SUPER BOWL.

I YELLED MY ASS OFF. THAT WAS ONE FANTASTIC GAME.

CONGRATULATIONS SAINTS ON YOUR WIN.

NEW ORLEANS IS GOING TO BE UP ALL NIGHT TONIGHT!!!!!