How Did We Get Here????

When I think about Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Frederick Douglas, Barack Obama, Denzel Washington, Cedric Glover (Mayor of Shreveport), and so many other influential and famous African Americans, I wonder how did we get where we are now?  Why do we feel the world owes us something when we haven't worked for it? In the field in which I work, you encounter a lot of this.  Unfortunately, I never hear from any other race regarding rules and regulations.  In everything there are rules.  If you don't want to follow the rules that are in place, move!!  No one is forcing you to remain on a property where you feel trapped or a prisoner.  No, you cannot have fireworks; no you cannot leave your BBQ pits out; no, you cannot have a swimming pool or anything that could be a liability and that could harm children or adults.

I am tired of the ghetto mentality.  Just because you are low income or no income doesn't mean you have to act like an ass all the time.  You do not have to get loud or yell to prove your point.  You do not have to curse, pop your lips or roll your eyes to make a point.  No one is listening to you when you do that.  All people are doing is laughing at you and thinking "you big foolish dummy."  I think about my parents and my family in general and I think about how others act in other families and I wonder where was the breakdown.  There was a time when black people were more proud then this.  They cared about their communities and their families.  They didn't go around acting uncivilized and popping their lips and rolling their necks and eyes.  The only thing rolling your neck and eyes accomplishes with me is making me very dizzy. 

How can we expect anyone to take us seriously when we act like imbeciles and ingrates all the time?? Please excuse me if I use "us" and "we" a lot.  That is just in reference to a group of people.  I don't mean to group everyone in one demeaning category but it is just easier this way.  I apologize in advance.

Moving on, I realize that every one will fortunate as others to have the bare necessities in life.  There are a lot of programs provided by the US Government to assist people with housing, food, child care, jobs, etc.  All of that is abused unfortunately.  I feel that if you are living in a house where you receive some type of subsidy from an agency, you should be grateful for that.  No, it isn't a mansion but it provides a roof over yours and your children's heads.  Usually, the property is maintained by a management company where if something breaks, you call maintenance and it is fixed.  The lawn is manicured.  It is pretty much easy living.  But they have to abide by rules.  No loud music, EASY!!  No DRUGS, not as easy as you think for them to not do that.  Do NOT get arrested for felonies!!  Just abide by the rules that are in place and that are in your lease when you signed it and there will be no problems.  It is simple. I am very disappointed in how we act.  Our children see us doing these things. They see us talking loud, acting silly and cursing just to get a point across and they will most likely grow up the same way.  One day they are "Blessed and Highly Favored" and the next they are calling you everything but a child of God.

I wish we would just rethink things.  Before we start to act foolish and simple, just sit down and think about it.  No one can hear you when you are yelling or cursing.  I don't care if you have an eye problem or you have a pain in your neck.  I wish as a people we would change.  I wish we could be like "some" of our parents, grandparents and generations before that.  They were not only proud but they were humble.  They were respectful, taught their children to be the same way.  At one point, according to the Meriam-Webster Dictionary a quarter of a city in which Jews were formerly required to live or a quarter of a city in which members of a minority group live especially because of social, legal, or economic pressure or a situation that resembles a ghetto especially in conferring inferior status or limiting opportunity.  The origin of ghetto is Italian, from Venetian dialect ghèto island where Jews were forced to live,            literally, foundry (located on the island), from ghetàr to cast, from Latin jactare to throw and the first known use was 1611.  Please view here http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ghetto.

Ghetto as you can see was where you lived but NOT who you are.  You can live in the ghetto and be happy, proud and respectful. You don't have to be slummish or act a certain way. Everyone is afforded the same opportunity to get out of the ghetto.  We can all go to school and finish.  We can go to college.  We don't have to disable our children.  I realize children are born with birth defects but why does everyone in the ghetto have 2 or 3 children who are disabled??  I don't believe it.  Our children can learn to read, write, count money and learn ANYTHING they set their minds to do.  There are grants and scholarships provided to allow everyone to go to school.  You don't even have to leave the comfort of your home to go to college now.  Many schools offer online educations and they are legitimate.  There is no reason for us to behave so poorly.

Maybe someday this will change.  Maybe the mentality of our people will get better.  I wish I knew and I can only pray.  I believe in miracles but this may be one that I just have to let go for now.

My Future Christmas Gift to Myself

I got my oil changed and my tires rotated at the Nissan dealership. Instead of waiting, MiniMe and I visited the sales floor and I test drove a few cars... 

First I test drove a car just like this.. color and everything... I have a sedan 2008 version of it.

And then I started thinking this car is $18Gs so why not upgrade a bit.... So, I test drove this:Only difference, the one I drove had tinted windows... They offered me like $10,000 for a trade-in for my versa which is good. Then I got to thinking if I am gonna pay $23,000 for a car, I might as well wait a few months, save up and get what I REALLY want and put down $2500 on this:My daughter is 4 and will be going on 5 in November. She can crawl in the back with no help from me now.  It's very roomy, I am single and I love it.  We might as well do it big.  She actually picked it out and I loved it too.  So, this is my goal for September... Then, we had lunch at Olive Garden...  

Everything Doesn't Have to be Difficult

For a friend's birthday, I told him I wanted to treat him to a dinner and a movie.  He is always so busy with work that I told him he had exactly a month from his birthday to choose a date for the dinner and movie.  He said he would and of course I didn't think he would come through with a date.  Well, actually he didn't but he did ask for it to be lunch instead.  I had no problem with that but being the person I am, I offered to just get him a gift card.  He asked if I preferred that.  I stated no, but just giving him a way out because I realize his time is valuable.  (This is me trying to be considerate but at the same time, a bit manipulative because I figured he wouldn't accept the gift card.)  I then asked what would he like to eat.  He said "how about sushi."  My response was "Ewwww... I don't even eat seafood."  He said, "okay, how about pie works?"  I said "okay, but it isn't one of my favorite places."  I asked why he wanted to go there and he stated it was a suggestion from someone.  He then stated that I could just get the gift card since it would be easier.  "May day, may day."  There was a problem in the distance so I immediately switched gears... "No, no, let's go to Pie Works."  I was hoping I could convince him to change his mind by telling him that I do enjoy a sandwich at Pie Works and we should go.  Unfortunately, he had switched modes as well.  He decided the easiest solution would be a gift card.  We chatted back and forth about it and then he called me out on my bullshit.  He said, "When I invite someone to lunch and tell them they can choose, no matter what they say, I go along with them because this is what they wanted."  My response, "Well, I don't like seafood.  I haven't eaten it in years."  Thinking I could get some understanding and him back in my corner, I said "I really don't mind Pie Works.  We should go.  I think you will really like it."  He said it has all become too difficult.  He doesn't like things to be difficult at all.

That one conversation taught me a lot.  Not just about the etiquette of inviting someone to lunch/dinner but just sometimes keeping my mouth shut.  Sometimes a simple, "okay, yes or sounds great" will do.  He said to me, "I realize you don't like sushi but you could have at least asked if they served other food."  I thought to myself, "How true Susie."  Places specialize in a lot of things but they always have an alternative on the menu for those who may not like it.

The last two blog postings I have discussed being silent and just listening.  This was another moment I should have kept silent and allowed this friend of mine to benefit from the invitation I gave him.  Instead, I made it all about me and what I like and dislike.  We have to realize that everything is not always about us.  The fact that we went back and forth with this conversation for over twenty minutes via text and phone made it difficult.  In the end, I learned a lesson.  In the end, he stood his ground.  He thanked me for the thought but he felt things were too difficult.  He was just a friend but what if he was a boyfriend or a potential?  I could have run him away.  I am not saying not to stand your ground or have an opinion but I am saying to gauge things in life.  Sometimes you should have an opinion and other times, maybe you should go with the flow.  Don't be a difficult person because in the end, you could be told "Thanks for the thought but dinner/lunch is just too difficult.  I will take the gift card."  :)

Patiently Listening in Silence

In my previous blog I wrote about Listening to God.  I still am doing that to the point

that for the first time in forever, I haven't spoken with a lot of friends either over

the phone or via text. I've enjoyed the peace and quiet. My phone doesn't ring

unless it is my sister or aunt. I haven't sent many text messages. There was a time

that I was constantly texting. I find myself not really caring to do it as much

anymore.  I really want to focus on learning to listen more. 

I feel the fewer things I have on my mind, the less junky it will be. I feel God can get

through to me better when I am not focused on so many non-issues in my life. I moved the tv

out of my bedroom so that I can rest in peace. I can pray. I had my cable

turned off a while ago and I find that now we turn the tv on much less. Which of course

leads to more peace and quiet within our home. 

I turned 29 years old in May and I made it a point to make sure this year and the remaining

I may have on this earth will be filled with peace and joy. I won't always be happy but

I am tired of all the noise in my life. I feel God really wanted me to do better because

as mentioned before, He showed me some disturbing things about myself and it is still flowing

through my brain as a constant reminder. I want to use those bad things to do better in my life.

I am going to continue to wait in silence. I think it will make me so much better in my life

to do so.  It will also give me more things to write about in regards to my life. 

I'm Listening God

For the past few days, I have been very deep in thought. God brought some things to my attention. It was like he told me to sit down and pay attention. I was going through my suggested list of friends on Facebook and as I scrolled, I started to realize something very disturbing. Because of the personal nature of the realization, I won't go into details of what I discovered but it was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

A few weeks ago I made a vow to God. Although I felt strongly about it, I think by showing me some things, God wanted to make sure I kept it. I have a lot of changes to make within myself. I have to say although what I was shown saddened me deeply, it was my reality. The positive note is that it all can be fixed starting with asking God for forgiveness and then forgiving myself.

If I knew what I know now, I would have done a lot of things in my life totally different. However, this isn't the shoulda, woulda, coulda thread but it is me just simply shutting my mouth and paying attention. I am very grateful to God for what He has shown me. He didn't have to but I feel His love for me and the fact that I want to be a better woman, christian & mother has allowed me once again to take a complete survey of my life.

I have a long way to go but I know the first step has been made. I am sitting in my chair and I am listening and paying very close attention. I have removed things and people from my life who do not mean me well. I have decided to also review my expectations of others who remain in my life. I do not always need for anything but I do feel disappointed a lot by some friends. It just seems when I really need them, they refuse to really reciprocate. It hurts every time but I wonder why I keep placing my hand on the burning stove when I know it is hot. I really can only depend on God. God has shown me that with one particular person, I really can't depend on them in that way. Maybe the purpose for that person is for me to be someone that they can talk to when needed. It has just been shown to me over and over that when I really need, they are pretty much MIA without a single word. I thank God for showing me that too. I still cherish the friendship but my expectations are a bit too high. I really have to remember to keep it simple. However, when I think about it, why do I need them when I can just talk to God? He is the best listener ever and when I need Him, He will be ready to listen to me at anytime.

I am not perfect and my review of my life the past few days has shown me that I have so much to work on but it is very nice to know that God has given me an opportunity to fix these things in my life.

So, yeah, I am listening God...

Untitled

I am at work and I thought I would go back to read my last post on here. I was pretty angry. I feel I was hurt more than anything about things. I think I wanted him to reach out to me but he didn't. I would listen how people in his life would quit talking to him for whatever reason and how he would reach out to them. I figured he would do the same for me, but he didn't. That's what I was feeling that day. As days rolled on, we ignored each other. We co-existed. Did I still care, yes. Do I still care, of course. It's hard to just stop caring about someone. I think I had to come to the realization that I need to really depend on God. I feel it is nice to have friends. It's a blessing when you can find one that is genuine. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do so. What I learned from that is something I will teach my daughter. You can't make someone care or love you. You be the best person you can be. You should be a friend to someone and be there for someone. Never allow them to use you. If you find that you are being used, it is okay to walk away. Never be rude or stoop to their level of stupidity. My friend and I shared a lot of good times together. In less than two years, we had gone through some things that I felt made our friendship stronger. It's just amazing how one bad day could just end it all. HE didn't give me what I was wanting from his friendship and I don't think that day he really cared. I do think he cares but I think sometimes people have their thoughts about things and can't look past the obvious. Maybe one day we can get back to where we were. I am not sure to be honest though. It's like the wounds are still opened. I am not perfect and I realize I could have handled things different. What I said in my blog that day may have been hurtful to him but I guess it was the truth. It would at least show that I don't approve of the things that he does. I know he doesn't approve of some things I do either. During the hard times, I knew what he was working so hard for and I tried to be there for him as much as I could. I still don't feel he should engage in a new relationship because it won't help him with what he is doing in school. I do want him to be happy and with someone very special but I feel a lot of these relationships are potential relationship are quickies and he will move on to the next. It's sad to say, just like what we had. It didn't last long at all but after some time away, we were able to maintain a good friendship. I do wish him the best in life and all that he strive to do. I know he will continue to lean and depend on God to help him through it all. I'm not here to judge or to say what is right or wrong because I am not perfect and God knows I have made terrible decisions. I didn't want that last angry black-woman post to be the last thing I wrote on here. :) God bless.

Too Thru!!!!

Some people really irritate the hell out of me. You sit there and you listen about

all their crazy friends, their career and blah blah blah and they have the nerve to say

they don't want to hear about someone in your life!!! It hurts because you would NEVER

do that to them. Scratch this... Let's speak in the first person. I have listened so much

about all these deranged females and NEVER ONCE did I say, I don't want to hear

that. Don't ever bring them up. Although they were not important in my life, they were

obviously important to him in some way. As a friend, I listened. I NEVER put a limit on

what we could discuss. Some of these people I feel I have met them and I am dealing with

them myself because of how often I have to hear about them.

He is the best confused person I know but he pretends he has it together. He doesn't.

You are meeting female after female and now you are at the lowest point of dating some female

who you don't know and who is TOO DAMN YOUNG!!!!! She is immature and silly. She is a

hot ass and she ain't the one. Why keep falling for these same females... Why not focus on your

career???? I don't get this at all... I really, truly don't get this. It's stupid. He is attracted

to someone making him laugh over skype. You don't know how this chick is during hard times.

She probably haven't had hard times yet other than what college course to take. ARE YOU INSANE????

I have come to the realization that it is indeed time for me to move on. Our season is over. I am tired. I have nothing more to give. You want me to stop talking about someone who is important to me in my life, then you don't want to talk to me either. I am too thru.

I really needed to say all this in my post... it's mine and it's how I feel. I will reconvene with the posts that will enlighten tomorrow but today, I am pissed OFF!!!

The Process of Elimination

I made the decision in 2010 to remove a lot of things from my life. One did happen to be my job at AEP and the other was guys. Men who didn't mean well. Men who only wanted one thing for me . They didn't benefit me in any way. It was easy to do. I have stood my ground strong against the temptations. I want what is in store for me. I don't want to waste my time. I learned that sometimes we pray and God immediately answers it but it is up to us to determine how soon we will get to that answer in which we prayed. I have seen the man God has for me. I've dreamt of him twice. I can't see his face but the idea that I have someone waiting for me to love and adore me excites me. Every time I hesitate in not answering my phone or a text or allowing someone to come over who doesn't want but one thing, I think of my dreams. I will sacrifice moments of pleasure for a lifetime of love and loyalty. I will be patient and wait. We shall see. In the meantime, I have done the process of elimination and if I must, I will continue to do so.

Rejuvenation

It has been a long time since I wrote anything in my blog. I guess I haven't been

that inspired. A lot has happened in all of this time. Some things good and other things not so good. I am no longer employed at AEP. That's the positive side of it for me. The fact that it has been over 2 months and I haven't found a job, that's the not so good part. I never would have imagined

it would have been this difficult to find a job. I am feeling okay. I am not worried much. I am on the search for a job. A lot of interviews but no job yet. This is my opportunity to really do something I will enjoy and something that will allow career advancement. I have goals. I don't want to be rich, just comfortable.

In regards to relationships, I am not in one. I have an interest in someone but I am not sure if the interest is shared. We will see. I am sure I will be writing about that very soon.