I'm Listening God

For the past few days, I have been very deep in thought. God brought some things to my attention. It was like he told me to sit down and pay attention. I was going through my suggested list of friends on Facebook and as I scrolled, I started to realize something very disturbing. Because of the personal nature of the realization, I won't go into details of what I discovered but it was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

A few weeks ago I made a vow to God. Although I felt strongly about it, I think by showing me some things, God wanted to make sure I kept it. I have a lot of changes to make within myself. I have to say although what I was shown saddened me deeply, it was my reality. The positive note is that it all can be fixed starting with asking God for forgiveness and then forgiving myself.

If I knew what I know now, I would have done a lot of things in my life totally different. However, this isn't the shoulda, woulda, coulda thread but it is me just simply shutting my mouth and paying attention. I am very grateful to God for what He has shown me. He didn't have to but I feel His love for me and the fact that I want to be a better woman, christian & mother has allowed me once again to take a complete survey of my life.

I have a long way to go but I know the first step has been made. I am sitting in my chair and I am listening and paying very close attention. I have removed things and people from my life who do not mean me well. I have decided to also review my expectations of others who remain in my life. I do not always need for anything but I do feel disappointed a lot by some friends. It just seems when I really need them, they refuse to really reciprocate. It hurts every time but I wonder why I keep placing my hand on the burning stove when I know it is hot. I really can only depend on God. God has shown me that with one particular person, I really can't depend on them in that way. Maybe the purpose for that person is for me to be someone that they can talk to when needed. It has just been shown to me over and over that when I really need, they are pretty much MIA without a single word. I thank God for showing me that too. I still cherish the friendship but my expectations are a bit too high. I really have to remember to keep it simple. However, when I think about it, why do I need them when I can just talk to God? He is the best listener ever and when I need Him, He will be ready to listen to me at anytime.

I am not perfect and my review of my life the past few days has shown me that I have so much to work on but it is very nice to know that God has given me an opportunity to fix these things in my life.

So, yeah, I am listening God...