Bricks really do hurt

I wasn't going to blog but why not? My heart is broken and my stomach hurts. Someone I thought had a true interest in me and who may have had feelings for me (not in love with me which is understandable but some feelings) has told me that we should focus on just being friends. I am hurt because I was thinking this was becoming something more between us. I put my all into this and my heart, I gave, was torn into pieces and now I am left to mend it, again. He will go on with his life and not really, truly care. This thing is something terrible. I was so positive about this. I never had any doubts about things but it hit me the other day that he may never feel the same about me. I know it's possible but the bad thing was that he didn't have a feeling for me. I was thinking it was my fault and that I made this stuff up but it isn't. He helped this along. He has backed out on me twice already and the last time I told him if it happens again, I'm backing out on him. I wish I could but I am true to my word but I know Shauna would say when a person doesn't deserve to have you, that backing out is okay because there is nothing they have done to prove that they still deserve to have all your support. I feel stupid, yes indeed... I wish I could fast forward to 3 months from now where I will be over this but I have to take this one day at a time and pray God helps me through this one. I know he won't leave me but I have learned the lesson in this one. I just can't put my all into someone especially when they are not. The only issue I have is when do you know not to give all and when do you know when to give all because I was led to believe it was okay to put in my all because he wasn't walking away. Although he says he isn't walking away now, I still have to make a decision what I plan to do. Do I continue on the path of my feelings for him or do I work on letting them go. I know I have to let it go and place up my wall at this point. I can't allow anymore feelings to develop for him. What's strange though is that at this point, today, at this very minute, I feel he will never have feelings for me. I don't see it happening anymore. I thought he had feelings for me but now I realize he doesn't. I have cried off and on about this tonight. I have gotten angry and I have vented and I have thought to make sure I handled this thing right and I only displayed what was given to me. I developed feelings for a man whom I thought sincerely had an interest in me. So, when I realize things were getting serious, I let my guard down with him. It's like as soon as I did, I was placed under attack. I am a strong woman. God has equipped me with the strength I need to get past this. It will hurt for a while but I will get over this. God will mend my heart. I know God loves me if no one else does. I'm not upset with God that it happened. I didn't have any signs but this is life. Life has it's joys and pains. You live and you love and you fall out of love sometimes. Sometimes your heart is broken and sometimes the feelings are mutual. Love may come my way someday but if not, it's okay.. It's cliche but it is better to have loved and loss to not have loved at all. Love is a wonderful thing. Love does hurt but it can't steal your joy. It may steal your happiness for the moment but it won't steal my joy because in spite of how I am feeling at this very moment, I am still breathing, my child just rolled over so she is still breathing and life goes on. You vent and you move on. You stand true to any decisions you may have made. It's like playing jump rope, you have to sit back and wait for the perfect moment to jump in. Oh well, I'm going to bed now. I can at least get 2hrs before I have to take my daughter to the daycare.