Thinking

I think a lot. Sometimes I think it's a bad thing. I never make a decision when I am emotional but God knows I wish I could. I don't because it's usually not rational and when you emotional, you are thinking. I haven't made any real decisions the last few days. I've had a lot on my mind. I always wonder why I contemplate things so much and feel bad about walking away from people when they don't care about walking away from me. They will do it with no problem but I don't because I care too much to do so. I care about myself too but if I say something, I want to keep my word and not be made a liar. I'm pretty tired and taking everything one step at a time and one day at a time. I'm not just down and out and tripping but I am just full of thoughts. I am just wondering about a lot of things. My birthday is coming up soon and I am wondering if at the last minute, this person will change their mind. I am not dwelling on it but with the history of us, it's a huge possibility. I guess the trust I had, is pretty much going away. I'm not seeing the things the way I saw them anymore. I wonder if that was his intention. I don't know. I will keep thinking but once I build up my strength again and I will continue to wait for God, I will chill. I won't make any decisions yet but I am still thinking... Constantly thinking...