Homie, Lover, Friend

This of course if only based on my opinion. Of course this is my blog so that should be known but I do feel the need for a disclaimer. Some men, maybe even most feel that the woman is a difficult creature to understand. I don't feel we are difficult. Although you may say one thing, we do base things on your actions most of the time. The old cliche, action speaks louder than words, still rings true in 2010. IF you only want me as a friend and nothing else, there is no need for us to go out on dates.... People who go out on dates are obviously dating one another. That's simple. Friends don't date. If you are going through something, then we can talk and chat as your friend. You say we are friends but we are spending time together cuddling, kissing and maybe even having sex. That is not a friend and your actions do not reflect that. I do feel it's both parties responsibility to define what will go and won't go. I feel if a man says he's your friend, but his actions are of the things I mentioned or you see it going there, I feel a woman should bring it to his attention. You should remind him what he said and make his actions reflect his words. Women are usually the ones who find themselves in these homie, lover, friend situations. I can't be your homie and your lover if you just want to be my friend. That's not fair to me for you to even connect the two. I will admit that if a man's actions do start to change, a woman may begin thinking, "maybe he is interested in more" so let's see where it goes. Unfortunately, in actuality, his mindset is the same. Nothing has changed... He's just not thinking anymore with his cranium but with his other head. He is a man and he will possibly find his "friend" attractive. He may notice things on her that he really enjoy watching and wouldn't mind getting introduced to and if he is lucky, he just might. If she allows the introduction, unfortunately, that can of worms has opened and good luck at closing it. At first it will be great but after time, a woman begins to think where this is going??? When you are dealing with a good, genuine woman, men just have to be upfront with her. Usually she is very understanding. If you have other intentions that aren't in line with what you discussed with her, then you are dead wrong.... Some guys do not know and some are manipulative. Women can be the same way but really this is about a woman who is genuine. If a friend is what you need, then a woman can be that to you. She could be your bestfriend as long as the lines aren't crossed. I was a guy's bestfriend but it didn't work out because we started out wrong. For a long time he didn't want a relationship at that time but he never said he didn't want one with me. He stated that when things changed, then I would be the first one considered. Well, I was never considered and he chose someone else. I had been everything to him, I just didn't have the title. That was devestating because after dealing with that for 3 years, I finally found the strength to remove myself from the whole situation. He was not my friend and I didn't need to fake it. It was always about him and that was my fault. I tried hard to taylor myself to him that I ended up being hurt in the end. It was a lesson well-learned. If a man says he only want to be friends, believe him. Don't go in it thinking you can do things to change it because in the end, you will be hurt and you would have given your all to someone who didn't deserve it. Usually men do not reject anything a woman is giving him. They will accept a lot of it and not feel anything is owed in return and honestly, it isn't. You all are friends and you made the decision to do these things for him. Basically when it comes down to it, it's about communication. You have to be upfront about what you want and don't want and your actions have to match what you are saying. If you are a man and you have a man as a friend, if you're not gay, you would never cuddle and kiss him and date him. Look at the woman the same way. It's not difficult to do at all. It is what it is.